


Just Another Part Of Me

by Joji_Sada



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Chan, Drama, Gen, M/M, Out of Character, Sexual Content, Slash sex, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-08
Updated: 2007-10-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 13:31:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10190924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joji_Sada/pseuds/Joji_Sada
Summary: They really aren't any different.  So why must one suffer so?  ***SONGFIC***  This is a response to theSong Lyric Challenge # 17ByMistress Vamp.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own any of this. Characters belong to J.K. Rowling and all associated people.

**A/N:** This is a response to the **Song Lyric Challenge # 17** By **Mistress Vamp**. The song belongs to Ozzy Osbourne and is called “You’re No Different.” 

**Non-Graphic Non-Con** but still present.

**P.S.** On a side note, this is my FIFTH response to MV’s challenges….Anyone think I am addicted to them…lol. She also has a series dedicated to her because she asked for a Dark Ron and I couldn’t seem to stop. So, enjoy. 

**** **** **** ****

_How many times can you put me down_  
'Till in your heart you realize  
If you chose to criticise you choose your enemies 

It never ends. No matter how I try to avoid him, he always finds me. He always manages to appear in the least likely places and he cannot leave me alone.

I am more observant than he gives me credit for. I see how he picks on me because it makes him feel better. I see how when his friends are around that he is much more public—much more extravagant—in his abuse. But, it never ends there.

_Everything that I say and do_  
In your eyes is always wrong  
Tell me where do I belong in a sick society 

He degrades me. He calls me a bastard. He hits below the belt and plays on my greatest fears; fears that I had foolishly told him. They had slipped out when my mind had been trying to protect me. 

But it never worked. I still can see it all.

_You're no different to me, yeah  
You're no different, no different to me_

He is afraid, or so I try to tell myself as he shoves me against the wall. I try to rationalize that even he would not do this normally. He must be drugged I try to convince myself as my robes a ripped carelessly off my body and my trousers are pulled down.

I try to tell myself that he is insecure and that I give him happiness, even as he cruelly takes me and the blood runs down my legs. I try to tell myself everything that could rationalize why he does this. Why does he pick me? What makes us so different?

_Look at yourself instead o' looking at me_  
With accusation in your eyes  
Do you want me crucified for my profanity 

I don’t think he ever sees me. I am accused, by his friends, as being worthless and a burden to society but he can never look at me. He knows that he uses me and without me, he would be a monster.

I turned. I could no longer passively let him abuse me. But, I did not fight. I turned. When he was done, I turned and pushed him into the mirror. I made him look.

There was nothing there. 

He was as much of a ghost as I am. 

_Concealing your crimes behind a grandeur of lies_  
Tell me where do I begin  
If you think you're without sin be the first to cast the stone 

I never told why he saved me that night in fifth year. He didn’t save me so that Lupin would have a clear conscious and he didn’t save me so Black wouldn’t have to live with the guilt. He saved me to save himself.

I am his rock. I cannot run from him because no one would believe me anyway.

He never sees his crime. And he tells me so. I am nothing if not his. He owns me, solely, because I have nowhere else to go. I may not like him, and I may pray for the abuse to end, but I cannot leave. Just two more years and maybe I can leave. Maybe, if I can keep my sanity.

_You're no different to me, yeah  
You're no different, no different to me_

I did it. I confronted him. I told him to go to hell and I lost. He and his friends had cornered me and I fought back. I could not take it anymore. I told him off.

I still suffer the bruises from the resulting beating. Not only did his friends have a go at me but he found me that night. I had tried to hide but he found me, as he always did.

My wrist was broken, and my ribs were cracked. My arse burns a reminder of my place and my shallow breathing told me I once again have lived.

Though, I do not live—I exist. 

Only one more year.

_Can't you see, can't you see_  
You're no different to me  
Won't you see, won't you see  
You're no different to me 

Even after getting with Evans, I was his toy. I was his plaything. I was his sanity.

I was his sanity because if he had ever turned from me and once more looked in the mirror, he never would have survived.

He would not be able to cope being _**me**_.

_Living my life in a way that I choose_  
You say I should apologize  
Is that envy in your eyes reflecting jealousy 

I always told myself I would never have to see him after graduation. For a while, that was true. Because of him, I had been seduced by the power promised to me by the Dark Lord. I have given stock to the words of comfort Lucius had spoken to me. I had allowed myself to be used because after so long, I did not know how else to live.

I did not understand the idea of individuality and I envied those who did.

_Tell me the truth and I'll admit to my guilt_  
If you'll try and understand  
Is that blood that's on your hand from your democracy 

He’s dead. My words, for once, helped me escape. Two sentences of a half heard conversation had killed him and let me escape.

I was free.

But, he never admitted what he had done. I never had the strength to use my own memories and I cannot help living in the past. I cannot escape the memories covering my body in scars and filling my mind with pain.

_You're no different to me, yeah_

His son will never know what his father has done.

_You're no different, no different to me_

His son will never know of the legacy that lies within my hatred.

_You're no different to me, yeah_

His son will never understand the truth because I will never tell him.

_You're no different, no different to me_

Because, even after everything, _he is no different from me_ and I can never share that part of myself with anyone.


End file.
